“Do You Also Feel Safer Alone Than With People Who Love You?” – I’ve asked myself that more times than I can count. And I know I’m not the only one. As a Gen Z-er, I’ve mastered the art of disappearing.. not dramatically, not angrily, just quietly. I mute group chats. I skip calls. I cancel plans with the soft excuse of “just tired.” But the truth is, I’m not just tired. I’m overwhelmed. And isolation feels easier than explaining why. 🙁
We’re the most connected generation in history, yet 70% of us report feeling lonely or emotionally distant. That’s not a contradiction?! It’s a coping mechanism. We grew up online, absorbing global crises, emotional chaos, and curated perfection. We learned to scroll through pain, to laugh through burnout, and to keep showing up even when we’re falling apart inside.
So we started choosing silence. Not because we hate people, but because we don’t know how to be around them without losing ourselves.
I see it in me when I’d rather sit in my room than join my family for dinner. When I avoid replying to a friend because I don’t have the energy to “be normal.” When I feel guilty for not being present, but also resentful that I’m expected to be.
This isn’t rebellion. It’s emotional survival.
But here’s the part I don’t like admitting: It’s not always good for me!
Isolation Can Feel Safe, But It’s Also a Trap
The longer I stay in my bubble, the harder it gets to reach out. I start believing that I’m too much, or not enough, or both. I convince myself that people won’t understand, or worse that they’ll expect me to explain what I don’t even understand myself.
And yet, every time I do show up.. every time I sit with my family, laugh with a friend, or just exist around people who care.. I feel something shift. Not instantly. Not dramatically. But gently. Like my nervous system gets a break from carrying everything alone.
– I’m learning that connection doesn’t have to be loud. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be real.
– I don’t need to be the life of the party. I just need to be present.
– I don’t need to share everything. I just need to let someone in.
– I don’t need to fix myself before I show up. I just need to show up.
And yes, I still need my space. I still need solo time, quiet time, me time. But I also need family time. Friend time. Time where I’m not performing or protecting, just existing.
Multiple studies identify Gen Z as the “loneliest generation,” with rates of loneliness exceeding those of other generations like millennials and Gen X. The COVID-19 pandemic disrupted social development during formative years, with lockdowns and remote schooling affecting social opportunities and the ability to build communities. While technology is deeply integrated into our lives, studies suggest it contributes to loneliness. The constant comparison on social media and the nature of superficial online connections are linked to feelings of isolation.
Because healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in safe connection.
So if you’re like me, if you’ve been choosing distance because closeness feels risky..? I get it. I really do. But maybe this week, try something small. Sit with someone. Text back. Let yourself be seen, even a little.
You’re not broken. You’re just trying to breathe.
But you don’t have to do it alone.
Share this with someone who’s been quiet lately. Or read it again when you need a reminder: connection isn’t weakness. It’s how we heal. 🙂
